Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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