Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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