i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
