I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
