Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
