I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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