today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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