marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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