I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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