you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
