I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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