Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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