the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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