College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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