I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
