What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
