evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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