just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
