dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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