It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
