Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
