and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize