It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
