I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
