take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
