you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
