OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
