god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
