It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
