It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize