so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
