he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
