I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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