yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
