I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
