I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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