I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize