Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
