Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
