I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
