Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
