I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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