Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
