The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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