Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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