Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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