My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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