bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
