How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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