I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Mom said you looked used
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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