The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
