You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
