You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
