Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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