i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
