If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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