Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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