I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize