is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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