You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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