I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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