Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
