Jerry, you need to find god
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
