Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
