Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My dick has a subreddit
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
